Exhale...
...and all the scanxiety blew away. There's nothing more soothing than a clean CT scan.
I’ve always been a worrier. Usually about nothing important. Worrying about cancer coming back? That’s worth worrying about. As discussed in a previous post, it’s what happens whenever it’s time for a follow-up CT scan.
Those of us in the cancer family call it scanxiety.
It’s a real thing.
I think I’ve been holding my breath since shortly after I thought I wet my pants.
I hadn’t really wet them. I only thought I did. It’s just what it feels like during a CT scan due to the stuff they IV into me to light up my insides much like the sparkle of lightning bugs in that jar on your dresser does to your darkened bedroom on a late summer’s eve.
Contrast is what they call it. It‘s what radiology technicians shoot you up with—-excuse me, administer—so the machine’s x-rays can see what they need to see so the radiologists can see what they need to see so they can tell the oncologists what they saw so they in turn can tell their patients all about what they’ve seen.
Insurance covers it all and everyone gets paid except for the patient who pays for the insurance coverage. And of course the contrast fluid that does all the hard work not only doesn’t get paid a thing and just gets pissed away, literally, and ends up being flushed down the toilet and ultimately ends up in our water system.
Hmmmmm. I wonder if that’s what Debby Boone was singing about all those years ago.
In case you were wondering, here’s a bit medical knowledge that I gleaned from Brian, the very nice CT technologist who said he didn’t find my incessant questioning too annoying: CT is short for computed tomography. Use it as you wish.
Following a scan, I like to say, “Well you know, I just had the computed tomography imaging done. I’m quite exhausted and I think I need to change my pants.”
While I hope people will will follow up with, “Oh jeez, how come? Are you okay?” I most often get, “My God you’re annoying.”
In about 15 minutes, the CT procedure was done.
Results tomorrow!
I’m all smiles to everyone on the way out. They’re happy and sincere smiles for them. But for me, it’s just a massive cover-up.
Scanxiety turns one into being a great pretender. While you can’t turn it off when it’s at full volume, you can turn it down in social settings. On the outside it’s, “I’m fine! Everything is beautiful!” Inside it’s the tyrannosaurus rex vs. raptor scene from Jurassic Park on constant replay.
Results tomorrow…
Oh Lord. Results tomorrow!
The scanxiety cranks back up. I begin to hold my breath.
I arrive at 10:28 a.m. for my 10:20 a.m. I’m usually early for these appointments. But today I wasn’t. Apprehension? Sure. Due to scanxiety? Without a doubt.
Dr. B is a big bear of a guy. He’s the captain of my local medical team. Warm, welcoming, world-renowned, highly respected and has a potty mouth much like my own. Upon our first meeting I said to myself, “Would you trust your life with this guy?” Oh hell yes! And I did, and I have and will continue to do so.
At 10:30 a.m., he holds up a stack of paper in front of him. “How do you want the results? Like from a coach or a teacher?”
“A teacher I guess.”
He put the papers down on a table and scribbles something on the top one with a red Sharpie.
“Here. Quit worrying. All is good. You passed. With flying colors. See you in six months.”
I knew that’s what the results be. I just knew it. Sort of. With my fingers crossed.
I finally exhaled.
And the scanxiety all blew away.
I was back in business and doing my thing sneering at cancer just like before the fear crept in, as outlined in my previous post:
I talk so tough.
So defiant.
I flaunt my cancer-free status.
I taunt with, “Not this time cancer! We fought. I won!”
I encourage with, “Cancer doesn’t always win. Keep the faith. Never give up hope. ONWARD!”
At least for another six months when the what ifs from scanxiety set in again that will quiet me down a bit. Not silence me, because that’ll never happen, but just turns down the volume and slides the switch from “ARROGANT” about halfway to “HUMBLE.”
But that too will pass.
Scanxiety. It’s a real thing about something that’s hard not to be worried about.
Yeah! Great news and a very entertaining read! 🥳🥳🥳🥳
"Scanxiety" New word! Nice.