Only bologna? BALONEY! In praise of the other round meat
Guesthouse Tavern and Oyster Bar turns a down-to-earth classic into an out-of-this-world delicious masterpiece...on a bun!
Bologna?
Or baloney?
No matter how you spell it or slice it, it’s delectable to me.
I know what some of you are thinking…
“You eat that? Do you know what’s in that stuff?”
Not really. But I don’t really care.
Never have.
Never will.
I don’t care.
So there.
I’ve enjoyed it my whole life. Well, except for the time I tripped and fell into being a vegetarian because of my girlfriend at the time. That phase didn’t last long and neither did we. It wasn’t just the dietary thing, but it was very near the top of the reasons-to-break-up list.
She had this thing for tofu. I did too but totally different. While she oohed and awed, I said “Ewwww!”, and never our twain did meet. What’s in THAT stuff? Just a bunch of phony bologna if you ask me.
I grew up on bologna sandwiches and I turned out just fine. Mostly. They were simply performed on two pieces of Wonder bread with butter on the bottom slice and yellow mustard on the top one, then merged together with a piece of Oscar Mayer bologna cradled in between and finally cut in half from the top down. Never side-to-side which would bring buckets of bad luck, according my great Aunt Toot, the family eccentric who single-handedly put the “kook” in “cuckoo.”
Midway through my elementary school career, my mother replaced mustard with mayo. Only Hellman’s, never that inferior imposter Miracle Whip. We were sophisticated. And suddenly my tastebuds were too.
It wasn’t until college when my love affair with the stuff got even more amorous. My roommate introduced me to fried bologna. Just that slight sear got the juices running and intensified the flavor tenfold.
And it was such a joy to make! It’d curl up into the cutest little cup shape that we’d put dome down, like a bowl, on a piece of bread that was slathered with mayo or mustard or both or nothing at all. Then we’d fill the cup with maybe coleslaw and put another piece of bread on top and schmoosh it together. It was heavenly and such fun to eat, although messy but that made it even more fun.
Sometimes we’d fill the bologna bowl with potato salad or potato chips or even leftover chili. Once we did Chef Boyardee Beefaroni and added pepperoni just to make the bologna a little more toney. Boy, was that good. Another time we tried sardines but it made the bologna kind of bony. That was not good. And once we tried it as a soup bowl, adding minestrone to the bologna. As my Uncle Little Tony would say, fuggeddaboudit.
We used whatever we had. We didn’t care. Ever have the munchies? You understand then. If not, never mind.
True confession: We even tried to use one as a goldfish bowl, but it didn’t work out well. Poor Felipe the fish flopped out of it and onto the table where he frantically flipped out and fell on the floor and accidentally got stepped on which we found frightfully funny and became flushed with laughter. Felipe the fish got flushed too, but down the toilet because he was dead.
Bologna sandwiches used to be as commonplace in restaurants as it was at home and in lunchboxes until suddenly it lost favor due to some bad publicity and some ridiculous fake news and disappeared from menus.
But it’s finally making a comeback.
A bologna bonanza at Guesthouse Tavern and Oyster Bar
When Guesthouse Tavern and Oyster Bar first announced its upcoming opening, it teased with a few menu offerings that included a fried bologna sandwich. I was curious about what kind of creation had been concocted by the impressive culinary crew headed by owners Derek Eidson of Django and Pete Faber of Barn Town Brewing. I was beyond intrigued and excited. And even moreso because the place is inspired by the northwoods’ supper clubs that I’ve enjoyed for years. They always feel like home but with better food, better booze and a relish tray.
Last night, I finally swooned over their version of the classic sandwich. I fell in love. Deeply. Oh my, the magic they’ve made! They took a rather humble sandwich and turned it into a very haughty one. It’s simple yet simply delicious. Actually, it’s out-of-this-world delicious.
It’s layers of razor-thin mortadella, the flavorful Italian sausage from which bologna as we know it was born, that is stacked up and blanketed with American cheese and topped off by an egg that was flawlessly fried to just beyond the runny yolk stage so it didn’t flood all over, that would have made it a challenge to eat. Then it was all placed on a perfect potato bun that has a judicious smear of their sumptuous garlic aioli and some house-cured pickles for added taste and texture and a little punch in the ol’ tastebuds.
When I read the egg thing on the menu, it caused me to pause. I briefly considered ordering it eggless.
But what the hell? Who am I question this kitchen? So put the egg on it, please! I’m glad they did. Really glad. It made the already better sandwich much better.
I savored every bite. It’s the perfect comfort food. It’s one of those the-more-things-change-the more-they-stay-the-same deals. But different. Like next level upscale different. But still true to its roots.
A far cry from the bologna sandwiches, fried or not, that I grew up with. But not so far as to forget how good those were. What was once Wonder bread is now a wonderful bun; what was store-bought Oscar Mayer bologna is now freshly cut mortadella; and mayo is now aioli.
Who knew?
Who cares!
Good food is good food and this sandwich is really good.
After this report, I can hear it now…
“You really eat fried bologna sandwiches? You know what’s in that stuff?”
“I do! A whole lot of delicious.”
Especially at Guesthouse Tavern and Oyster Bar.
The fried bologna sandwich they serve here is magnificent. I bet it could turn a bologna hater into a bologna lover in just two or three bites.
More Baloney…sandwiches that is
A couple of other Des Moines restaurants are offering their versions of fried bologna sandwiches too. Thank you too!
Either/Or serves up a great one with very thinly sliced scrumptious house-made bologna fried just right and piled up really high on a soft bun with a delicious aioli and a slice of cheese. I like this one a lot too.
The Motley School Tavern does a version that’s just the basics. While very tasty, it’s a bit skimpier with just a thicker piece of nicely griddled bologna and topped with a fried egg, a slice of American cheese and some wonderful pickles on toasted white bread. The highlight for me was the super delicious Dijony aioli slather that was the perfect accompaniment. To go along with the sandwich, I had MST’s delectable Cheap House Salad. I really like this delicious basic creamy, crunchy salad. When ordering it, I often substitute “Ass” for “House,” just because I’m cute that way. The full-sized sandwich is on the brunch/lunch menu. There’s a smaller version offered as an appetizer on the dinner menu. While I’d like it better with more bologna, this sandwich is fine as is. Happy to see it on the menu and I’ll certainly be ordering it regularly.
Bologna? Or baloney? No matter how you spell it, it’s America’s favorite round meat. A delicious disc of yum.
It’s kind of like an adorable little pink Frisbee, but edible and quite tasty, whether it’s fried or not, and provides a blank canvas to create culinary masterpieces limited only by one’s imagination. It’s been a favorite of many families for generations and is what many of us were raised on. It has been part of many our lives for a lifetime and is really a part of who we are. Weird but true.
And you thought it is was just a piece of bologna.
I love bologna! White bread , 2 thick cut pieces of bologna and big glop of horseradish sauce 😋 I am now craving this.
Do you remember eating Kosher bologna? That was the best with hot mustard. Although the sandwich from the Guesthouse looks delicious times 10. I have had the one at Either/Or and it was good. Great piece of writing as always.